If you are reading this, someone has died and you have been asked to speak about them. That is a hard thing to be asked and you are allowed to find it hard. A eulogy does not have to be beautiful or complete. It has to be true, and it has to be finishable. This structure is built so that if you break down halfway through, you can find your place and carry on.
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Why it is built this way
Say who you are and how you knew them
A funeral gathers people from every part of a life, and most of them will not know each other. One sentence tells the room which part of the story you are speaking from.
One picture, not a biography
Dates and job titles belong in the order of service. A eulogy needs one clear image of the person doing something only they did.
A specific, small thing
The detail people cry at is never the achievement. It is the way they answered the phone, or what they always kept in the car. Small is not trivial. Small is what people miss.
What they gave you
Move from describing them to what changed in you because of them. This is the sentence the family will remember you said.
Speak to the family
Turn towards them for one line. It matters more than any part of the speech and it takes eight seconds.
A short, definite ending
Have a last line written down and know exactly what it is. If the middle falls apart, you can still land it, and landing it is what gets you back to your seat.
Delivering it
Frequently asked questions
Three to five minutes, around 400 to 650 spoken words. If several people are speaking, three minutes each is kinder to everyone, including the family.
Ask someone in advance to be ready to take over and give them a copy. Then, if you do have to stop, it is a plan rather than a crisis. Most people who arrange this never need it, but it removes the fear that makes breaking down more likely.
Yes, if it is true to them. Laughter at a funeral is relief, and a room that laughs once will listen harder afterwards. Keep it affectionate, and keep it to something the family would tell themselves.
Only what the family would want said in that room, and only in a way that reads as honesty rather than accusation. If you are unsure, ask them. Nobody has ever been offended by being asked.
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